Shetland Shed

There are some things in life that will always be disagreeable; never really behaving as they should for you, though you have been promised otherwise. Take for instance house keys. I throw my hands in the air in exasperation. Key goes in hole. Turn key. Locking mechanism gets a shot of adrenalin and through electrical signals shooting down the axons, neurons, membranes and whathaveyou of the peripheral nerves the door bloody unlocks. Not so for Lloydy.
I had 5 sets of house keys last year to the Flem Safety House. One by one I would misplace them. At one point a few turned up so I was working a successful 3-key rotation system. But not really a successful season of Key Keeping.
Then here in Glasgow, I get locked out of my bedroom for 3 days. Got into the house OK, but the bedroom door locking mechanism shit itself and there were splinters of metal and squeaking of springs and heaving of handles but the door could not be opened. Even once the handle bracket was removed, no amount of gentle tickling could coerce the door to open. Not so cool when you come home from a night of dancing and you're stuck in a skirt and heels during the Glaswegian winter. Granted though, that wasn't really the key...
Yesterday I grabbed the wrong key set. They were sitting next to my keys shooting the breeze and I didn't look I just grabbed. I managed to lock the door from the outside, but when I got home I couldn't open it. Tried and tried. Hurt my hands. Disagreeable and not behaving. I rolled on to Lily's who saved me in my state of destitution. Ready for sleep overs when Lyall rang. He had returned from Edinburgh- keen for the Tennents nectar- already sweetened and after some more. So I rushed home and Lyall laughed. He also managed to, first try, open the door with the keys I had failed with. How does this happen? How could I be so useless with keys? Can I trace it back to a significant childhood incident, like Young Jac walking home solo from Primary School and awaiting company at 5pm? Or maybe because I gave up on keys and went through the window more times that I care to remember?
I think I'm just shit at keys. And I don't know if it's curable.
I propose Shetland Sheds for all of us.

No Keys No Worries