TROLL

I ran into a Troll in the main square in Bergen, Norway.

Trolls are all over Norway. They are traditionally very ugly and have enlarged nostril-to-face ratios. They have hair in their ears, nose but not so much right on the top of their heads. They only wear natural fibres because dry cleaning is against their religion (Scandinavian Black Metal). They eat moose and small children and tend to forage solo but live in Troll communities called Trollvegans.

I was backing out of a shop in Bergen (west coast of Norway) and accidentally walked backwards into someone. I turned around to apologise. Everyone speaks perfect English in Norway. As I stepped away and profusely apologised I made eye contact with the thing I had hit. I almost spewed up my breakfast. I met eyes with a Troll-woman. She was dressed in a long maroon woolen coat over a grey pant-suit made of whale skin. She had a scarf around her head that she had obviously stolen from her last small Norwegian childmeal because it was floral and Trolls haven't advanced enough to screen print their moss-and-elk-hair textiles. The troll glared at me with eyes of sickness and death and pigeon feet.
She held my gaze as I froze in fear and then shook her head in utter disgust at my ignorant backwards-walking and apparently insufficient utterance of 'sorry'. I managed to twist my silent scream into a pathetic smile and pulled my face into a formation loosely resembling the look of one asking forgiveness. The troll, who had clearly just eaten some delicious grainy bread because there where crumbs in her moustache, had a dry mouth so was unable to spit fire at my feet. Had she not have just eaten a delicious and freshly made baked good she would surely have secreted troll slag in my direction. Which burns through synthetic fibres only.
I rushed away as fast as I could coerce my feet to take me. The image of her deadly troll eyes still burns a horrifying imagine in my retina.
I was lucky to escape.
Norwegian trolls.
Bloody scary.